Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
