if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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