I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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