how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
