Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
...so i touched it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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