I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize