also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
