How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Can I color on your dick again?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Drake has all the answers
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
