I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
