Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
