Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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