it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize