thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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