Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I need a shot of tequila, and quick death

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(845): View more from New York

Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?

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(410): View more from Maryland

These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.

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(734): View more from Michigan

The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.

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(415): View more from California

STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU

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(917): View more from New York City

Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.

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(317): View more from Indiana

She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer

(317): View more from Indiana

I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out

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