this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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