This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
