don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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