The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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