check it out our google latitudes are spooning
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
