this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
