Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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