Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
