Where did you get a picture of my penis
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize