i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
