okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
