I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
