OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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