Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
