i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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