you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
