I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
