A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
