Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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