I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
