I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
