I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
