He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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