i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
