My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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