my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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