Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize