Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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