Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
