I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
