Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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