I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Randomize
