I faked an abortion last night.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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