i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
ttyl tear gas
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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