don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
