Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
