Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
