I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
