....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
