he wants to bone in the snuggie
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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