The maid of honor just puked.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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