Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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