I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
