Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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