Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
