if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
