We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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