I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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