i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize