Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
