he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
