I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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