How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
There r osticjed everywhere
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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