I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
