I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
