btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
