okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
