am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize