I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
